So I’ve been trying to have this week off. But with a phone in your pocket you are never off, of course. So for the good of my mental health I have been ignoring the phone. Except for those occasions when you simply can’t, of course. Now at the end of the week off I feel… horribly half-on. And fractured mentally. Which is the reason I needed a few days off. I haven’t been ‘off’ since last July. There are many here amongst us that can say the same. While others have weekends, evenings, Xmas, Easter, chill-out days etc, I am so strapped for the readies I can’t stop working. I mean, I actually can’t.
And yet the more I work the deeper in debt I seem to get. Three teenage children and a wife that is out of control do not help. But then I join in. I get so mind-numbingly wrecked by it all I don’t care come 8pm and just go for dinner somewhere I can’t afford. Or a shop I can’t afford. See friends I can’t afford. Listen to my eldest daughter telling me she needs a car I can’t afford. While my other kids want dogs, pugs, guinea pigs, McDonalds, Chinese, chips and fish, and more clothes and toys and you name it that I can’t afford.
In the midst of which there are all those out there that claim I owe them money. It’s amazing. There are quite a few and funnily enough they all have a lot of money themselves, it’s just that they want whatever I can’t afford too.
There is the occasional oasis, yes. The Dead Rock Stars podcast is taking off. No money, obviously, but at least people like it. Then there are the Other Projects, almost all of which I can’t discuss because they are mostly book deals in various states of processing – i.e. lots of talk and meetings and yadda-yadda but so far NO MONEY. I find myself involved in dozens of amazing projects I can’t actually afford.
This is a pain in the arse for several of the people I am working with on these things. Why is he always going on about money? Because when you don’t have any and the whole world is holding a gun to your head demanding it, it sends you insane. Not crazy and sad and angry and frustrated. Insane. Until you find yourself saying weird things even too yourself. Especially to yourself.